E! News Exclusive! Elizabeth I Is Actually Not A Virgin - All the Details!

The Queen has had an exclusive interview with E! News regarding the recent rumours about her sex-life. There have been rumours about Queen Elizabeth I not being a virgin, due to a series of allegations that “no person can stay a virgin for life”. Sources close to the Queen have informed us of several men entering Elizabeth’s room at night. E! News has all the juicy details.

• Your Royal Highness, rumour has it that you have been seeing several men on numerous occasions in the past years, how do you respond to these rumours?
  I strongly advise any citizen to avert these allegations. They are all made up rumours with no truth in them whatsoever. I am and will remain a virgin for the rest of my days. I am strongly opposed to these accusations, and I am doing my best to locate these sources.

• My Queen, nevertheless, we have eyewitness sources from within The Royal Resident claiming to have seen you being intimate with someone of the opposite sex?

And dare I ask who are these sources you speaking of? I will not answer this outrageous question. To claim that I have lovers is quite preposterous. What someone claims to have seen is not a man whom I am intimate with; he is simply a member of my staff. I would not dare to defame my own reputation.

• Your Majesty, how would you say that your supposed marriage to England is affected by the recent rumours of your tomfoolery?

Naturally, it complicates matters. Being the matriarch of both England and the English Church, I am expected to act within the boundaries of morality at all times. These rumours are demeaning to my image, and it questions my love for my country, and I will be sure to hang the soul who initially spread these preposterous rumours. Though, the adversity of governing the most powerful nation in the world has inclined lately, I’m afraid. The stress is building and it would be nice to have some way or another to relieve it…

• And if I may ask, My Queen, who is this young fellow who enters your chamber twice each night?

What sort of question is that? How dare you ask me such question? You only know my name, not my story. How do you even know about that, you insulant fool? I will have you know, that man is my French tutor and he comes by at night because of his very busy schedule.

• But how can a woman of your age claim to be a virgin? You have to admit it seems absurd?
  I refuse to answer such foolish questions. I will have you all beheaded.

Our Royal Highness refused to answer any more of our questions, and her publicist informed us that our interview was over after just 20 minutes. The Queen seems unlikely to admit that the allegations are true, but with first-hand sources, we do not doubt the truth. E! News will continue to pursue this story, and provide you with the latest rumours and gossip concerning our beloved Queen. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.

My day of jubilee

Whaddup peeps?

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I assume you have all noticed that today was the day of my coronation, and that you served your betters well while they were in town. My coronation ceremony was something I had looked forward to for years, since I was a little kid. And I was not disappointed!  It was followed by a great feast packed with music, dancing, and, my one true love, food. I was not allowed to decide the appetizer or the main course, but I got to pick the dessert. I chose to serve a gigantic chocolate soufflé with raspberry coulis and pink sprinkles. In addition, my favorite artist, Justin Bieber, performed a new song he had written in my honor, titled “Long May He Reign”. This is my new favorite song, and therefore I expect you all to play it at least once a day, followed by a prayer praising me and my reign.  

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During Justin Bieber’s performance, while I was dancing with my cat, Ser Pounce, I noticed a girl staring at me. She was tall, hawt as hell, and a few years older than I was. In addition to this, she had a rare commodity most girls at court lacked, big bewbs. I nodded at her, cool as a cucumber and reaching my full swag potential, while mouthing “Sup?” The girl looked me in the eyes while mimicking a cat, looking feisty as all get out. Although I am not surprised that the babes like what they see when they look at me, I mean, who wouldn’t, it is flattering to witness. I know that I have got game, and it is nice to see that people acknowledge their attraction to me. I didn’t get a chance to speak to her at the feast, but according to the three-day-rule, it would be wise not to call her prematurely. I live my life by Barney Stinson’s Bro Code and Playbook, where it is written that the three-day-rule is essential in order to pick up a chick. (The Bro Code and The Playbook are practically my bibles.)

After the coronation ceremony and the feast, the Lord Protector Edward Seymour, had arranged a commemoration of my father. We assembled in the crypt where he was buried, and prayed that he would be well received by God. Even though I believe prayer is overrated and lame, it is important to keep up appearances, and act like I know what I am doing. I am the king after all. In the picture below you can see me and my father’s widow, Catherine Parr, standing by my father’s body shortly after his death. I am so sorry for the ugliness in this picture, but Catherine wouldn’t move. Although my father had terrible taste in women, I intend to honor his memory by bedding six women in six nights, which is almost a perfect week according to The Bro Code and The Playbook.

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After having endured about an hour of wailing women, I was set to perform my official duties as king. My uncle, Edward Seymour, was supposed to choose advisers and stuff like that, so I got to watch cartoons and “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” in the meantime. When they were done with all official duties, I got to explain my wishes. I decided that my first act as king would be to Knight my cat, and best friend, Ser Pounce. He is also going to love the tiny suit of armor I had custom made for him. My photographer made sure to capture this moment. Additionally, I proclaimed that from now on my birthday would be a national holiday. The punishment for ignoring this is “drawing from the prison to the place of execution upon an hurdle or sled, where they are hanged till they be half dead, and then taken down, and quartered alive; after that, their members and bowels are cut from their bodies, and thrown into a fire, provided near hand and within their own sight, even for the same purpose" (EyeWitness to History, 2001). I expect all of you will honor this day, if not for me, then at least to avoid punishment.

I hope you have enjoyed my coronation day as much as I have, and that you will continue to be as good and loyal subjects to me as you were to my father. Most likely, you will never be able to reach my level of awesomeness, but I wish you long, prosperous lives, however miserable they may be. To quote my favorite TV series, Star Trek, “Live long and prosper” (Wikipedia).

My reign is going to be ledgen… wait for it… dary!

Remember to follow me on my social media pages!

Twitter: @KingEdofSwagger

Instagram: @SelfieKingEd

Tinder: EdwardLuvsLuvsTheBabes

GoSupermodell: FabulousEddyBoy

Sources:

•   EyeWitness to History, 2001. "Crime and Punishment in Elizabethan England". http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/punishment.htm.  www.eyewitnesstohistory.com. (Accessed 21.10.14) 
•  Wikipedia. “Vulcan Salute.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulcan_salute. www.wikipedia.com. (Accessed 21.10.14)

My favourite outfits

Hello my dear readers <3

I’ve received a lot of questions from you, my dear readers, if I could post pictures of my dresses. My dresses are of course tailored and perfectly shaped for me, but I can show them to you anyway. For those of you who believe that I only put on a dress and then I’m done, you’re wrong. It takes quite some time to get all dressed up, and my outfits consist of several pieces of clothing.

These are the basic parts of my outfits, parts that I always include:

      1.            Smock/shift

      2.            Stockings

      3.            Corset

      4.            Spanish Farthingale

      5.            Bumroll

Then it’s time to be creative, and this is the fun part. I put on a petticoat, and then a kritle and forepart. Of course I need to wear my favourite shirt underneath my gown, so I put on a partlet. And then to my favourite part: the gown, sleeves and the shoes. I have to tell you, my dresses are gorgeous. Here are some of my favourite ones:

These dresses were made only for me, and you just have to love them, don’t you?

And here are some details from other of my favourite dresses:

As you can see, my taste in fashion is great, and I always look fab.

What do you think about my dresses?

xoxo,

Queen E <3

O.O.T.D, aka 50 shades of Queen Elizabeth (outfit of the day)

HEYHOOO all my faithful peasants:-)

It’s the time of the day…. toooo show you my FABULOUS OUTFIT!!! Straight from the catwalk in Paris, I am the very first to show you these AMAZING fabrics. My new best friend, Prince Louis Vuitton, gave me this amazing dress and accessories for fall time.

As all of you know I have to wear a corset to really show off my tiny waistline, and let’s not forget about the beautiful bum roll, that ensures us to get that extra oomph to my skirt, and it will definitely drive the boys wild! You know what they say; “my anaconda doesn’t want none unless you got bum(roll)s, hun” :P.

While hanging out, chillin in da criiiiib, at the castle in Versailles I also got to try out some of the new kirtle and forepart that was just lovely. OMG you guys, you just HAVE to see them!! I’ll make sure to wear them on the blog in the nearest future. This season’s partlets were also gorgeous, the beading was so beautiful and really encaptured the fall season. I promise you’ll love it!

(http://www.luminarium.org/renlit/elizacoronation.jpg)

Even though you can’t really see my shoes, since I’m wearing SUCH a long dress, they are REALLY(!!!!!!!!!!!) important. The ones I’m wearing today is from the fall of 1735, and guurls you know what that means: vintage! You know how all shoes are made from leather and fur and other cruel animal things, right? Well, I for once don’t think ANY animals should be killed, just for our shoes, sooo we should really try to re-use as many as we can, you know? Even though not all of the old ladies shoes are that pretty, hehe :P

(https://www.google.no/search?q=elizabethan+age+shoes&newwindow=1&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=CzdGVLa5CMfksAS4v4CQAg&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=LhKxMRF_K1WkCM%253A%3BVK2Z9d8jo8OwuM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fmedia-cache-ec0.pinimg.com%252F236x%252F88%252F95%252F16%252F88951687d914413524b7d37d31df7f56.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.pinterest.com%252Fthedollstore%252Felizabethan-england-1558-1603%252F%3B236%3B276 )

Now, over to my make-up. As usual I’m wearing my lead face powder, and I do believe it is doing miracles for my health. I really have felt a lot more pale and virgin-like lately. This might have something to do with the lack of intercourse I’ve been having. Also I’ve received this new eyebrow pencil, just to complete the pale, white look. In addition to this I put a touch of ceruse on my cheeks and lips to contrast my beautiful virgin face. I’ll post a video blog next week, so you can learn how to get the forever virgin look, even if that’s not the case ;) ;) ;)

Included in my gorgeous outfit today, I have a lot of different accessories. They are seriously sooo expensive, none of you peasants could ever afford them, haha! My crown is made out of pure gold and it also has a lot of diamonds in all the beautiful colours of the rainbow, wiii :D. The globus cruciger, aka the big round thing I am holding in my hands, is a present from Sir Robert, aka sugar daddy, lollz. I loove when he gives me stuff, all kinds of stuff, if you know what I mean ;*.

Remember to follow me on Instagram, my username is @virginbessygirl, for amazing outfits and an insight to my perfect life xD

XOXO

Yours forever

The Good Virgin Queen Bessy

PS. I’m a virgin :))  #notreallytho #loveboys

To hell with the pope! 

I cannot believe the Pope won’t accept or support my divorce. I’m nothing less than the King of England!! My wife Catherine is obviously too old to produce any more children, and I need a male heir to rule England when I eventually meet the bitter death. I already know I want to marry Anne Boleyn, and since I’m the king I could just go through with it without the Pope’s support, but then he might excommunicate me. In other words, I would never go to heaven. That is if you believe in that nonsense of course. It is, in fact, unbelievable that the Pope won’t give me special treatment and grant me a divorce. Needless to say I am the greatest sovereign there ever has and ever will be.

At this point I really don’t care what the Catholic Church has to say anymore. God chose me to rule; therefore the Catholic Church will not interrupt the dawning of my wicked reign, and I will not falter. I’m going to order the Archbishop of Canterbury to grant me a divorce, and that shivering fool will not have much of a choice if he wants to remain on good terms with me. Considering my immense power, none shall prevail if they threaten the crown. After that I could actually place myself as head of the English Church, and in some sense break away from the Roman Catholic Church. This will go my way, and those who oppose me shall burn both now and in the afterlife. The majority of the English people are quite angry with the Roman church anyway. They obviously don’t like being used as a source of money.

The whole process would be risky, but the desired outcome is simply too great for me to ignore. After the divorce I will finally have my son, my rightful heir. I’m going to make this divorce happen, no matter it takes. No one shall block the path towards my ultimate goal, and the Catholic Church’s feeble attempts to stop me will be in vain.

The virgin fashionista

OUTFIT OF THE DAY

Hello my dear readers!
Photo by: my maid

Dress: fancy girl boutique, necklace & rings: Chanel (sponsored), Head accessories: royal headwear

Today I had the most wonderful day in town. I went shopping with my friend, Queen of France. Like I would dare right? No. I went alone with my maids and they carried all of my bags, lucky girls! I bought a lovely gown and twenty rather nice head pieces. After an exhausting day of walinking around in those two stores, I felt a tiny bit hungry. I took my carrige over to the royal dining hall and ate like only a queen can do.  

The gown I bought today was very special. I feel like it represents me. Golden, bejewelled, rich and beautiful. The golden leafs represents the beauty of my country in my opinion. Just like my country, the beauty is found in the details. I bought it for my coronation ball. Tomorrow is the day I officially become the queen of England. After all this nonsense of marriage with either the king of Spain or the king of France I just could not do it anymore. Tomorrow will be the day I marry my country.

I made a makeup and hair tutorial for my fans who want to achive my virgin queen look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLVgXmOj7o8

(See you in three hundred years)

OOTD - QUEEN E.

Hello gorgeous people!

Today I will show you, step-by-step my outfit of the day; OOTD.

CLOTHES

The first thing I put on is my smock; also called a shift. This smock is from Calvin Klein and is my innermost layer of clothing. It is a basic undergarment I wear to protect outer clothing from sweat and body oils (even though I really do not sweat much…).

Next I put on my stockings. Today I decided I would wear my silk hose from Chanel!  Furthermore I put on my Balmain corset to look skinny...of course.  Lastly I put on my beautiful, yellow dress. This is one of my favorite dresses ATM! It is from the latest SS15 Alexander McQueen Haute Couture show in Paris. It looks so chic, but yet so very elegant. Love, love, love it! On top of my lovely dress I wore a cape, also from the latest Alexander McQueen collection.

ACCESSORIES

Today´s accessories were chosen by Cecily, she chose a rich jeweled choker, of garnets and pearls from Bvlgari for me to wear around my neck today. It is decorated with diamonds and emeralds from Swarovski. She chose ruby and pearl earrings for me, and Joan slipped some bodkins tipped with pearls into the poufs of my hair.

Not quite satisfied with the effect, Cecily also did a long gold chain and had Joan fix a large pendant to the front center of my bodice.

Today´s crown was my platinum one, it was manufactured for me by Gerrard & Co in London, the long term manufacturer of British royal crowns.

The crown is decorated with precious stones, most notably the 105-carat (21.0 g) Koh-i-Noor diamond in the middle of the front cross, which was confiscated by the East India Company and became part of the British Crown Jewels

SKINCARE AND MAKEUP

Pale skin is a sign of nobility, wealth and delicacy, and pale skin is achieved by a number of means. The most popular being ceruse, a mixture of white lead and vinegar that is favored by the nobility and by those who could afford it.

Bright eyes, snow-white skin (with my white lead for a foundation base), red cheeks and lips, and fair hair is how I work it. WERK.

Of course, such heavy and often poisonous make-up can cause serious damage to my skin, damages like spots, blemishes, acne and freckles that are ranged from the application of lemon-juice or rosewater to dubious concoctions of mercury, alum, honey and eggshells.

Indeed, washing my face with mercury is my “facial peel” that I use to make my skin soft and fresh. Ass´s milk is another substance favored by me and is a main ingredient in my baths and washes.

SOTD

The song of the day is “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea.

Me and my girl Iggy back in 2013! Such a cool and laidback chick.

Also make sure you follow me on Instagram (queenE1), Facebook (Elizabeth I), Tumblr (methequeenandmyself.tumblr.com) and Twitter (only1) #yourqueen #queenE #1things1

Picture sources:

https://www.google.no/search?q=iggy+azalea+fancy+music+video&espv=2&biw=1242&bih=545&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=JjxGVP2WM-PhywPniIGYBw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=rxQzaCanOSqC8M%253A%3Bf1s2mLvyk1RgZM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fstyle.mtv.com%252F%252Fwp-content%252Fuploads%252Fstyle%252F2014%252F03%252Figgy-azalea-fancy-5.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fstyle.mtv.com%252F2014%252F03%252F04%252Figgy-azalea-fancy-look-by-look%252F%3B576%3B431https://www.google.no/search?q=iggy+azalea+fancy+music+video&espv=2&biw=1242&bih=545&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=JjxGVP2WM-PhywPniIGYBw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=elizabeth+1&facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=vqLOVRGVWdQ5tM%253A%3BchqiDfJ9FRY2fM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fstatic.bbc.co.uk%252Fhistory%252Fimg%252Fic%252F640%252Fimages%252Fresources%252Fpeople%252Felizabeth_i.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.bbc.co.uk%252Fhistory%252Fpeople%252Felizabeth_I%3B640%3B360http://www.luminarium.org/renlit/elizacoronation.jpg